That Girl is Clearly an 8
by sjohn2999
Summary: <html><head></head>Flash stops by to check on Wally, but overhears a conversation between Wally and Robin that confuses him.  He must get to the bottom of this.</html>


**A/N: I own none of the characters.**

**That Girl is Clearly an 8**

You're probably wondering what the average day in the super speedy shoes of the Flash is like, right? Well, even if you weren't, which you should have been, I'm going to tell you anyway.

I, Barry Allen aka The Flash, wake up five minutes before I have to be at work. Then, I take a shower, get dressed, read the paper, eat six bowls of Wheaties, kiss Iris goodbye and run off to work. I always make it there with time to spare.

Who am I kidding? I wake up five minutes after I need to be a work, and I'm always late. Only by a few minutes though. I mean, I stay later than I have to, so it shouldn't be a big deal! Right?

Anyway, after I do whatever forensic stuff the police officers need me to do, I usually go home to Iris, and we have dinner, maybe watch a little TV or talk for a few hours. Then I go to sleep and the whole thing starts over. Exciting, I know. Sometimes there's a little crime fighting thrown in there, or Bats makes me do something for the League. That's always fun. Then I don my red and yellow super-suit and run laps around the villains of the world. I always get my guy. I'm kinda awesome at it.

About once a week, I go over to my nephew's house, you know Kid Flash (I personally thought he should be Flashboy, but he didn't like that), and make sure he's doing ok. Being a superhero comes with a lot of pressure, and I can only imagine that it's even harder as a kid. I'll usually show up at his house, and we'll talk for a while. About school, his parents, his friends, anything really. Then, I'll take him out for ice cream, we'll go for a run, we'll play some Halo, or we'll keep the streets of Central City safe. You know, everyday stuff.

Today was one such day. I had gotten off of work early and decided to go see Wally. When I got to his house, I chatted with his parents for a few minutes, then headed toward Wally's room. It was empty when I got there, but I could see Wally though the window. He was out on the fire escape, and I wasn't totally surprised to see Robin there as well. The two of them were sitting with their backs toward me and looking out onto the street.

Confused as to what they were doing, I snuck up behind them and began to eaves drop.

"Eh, 3," Robin said.

"I'd say 4," Wally responded.

"Are you kidding me man? Perfect hair, great legs, plus she's holding an advanced biology book. She's definitely at least a 3, maybe even a 2," Robin shot back in an incredulous tone.

Still unsure what they were doing, I snuck even closer to see what they were looking at. Once I had a clear view of the street I understood what they were doing. They were participating in an age old guy tradition: rating the girls as they walked by. I still felt a little out of the loop though. Their scale made no sense. If I were several years younger (I'm not a creeper alright), I would have said that the girl they just described was a solid 7, but they ranked her as a collective 3 and ½. Maybe it was just a fluke. I continued to listen.

"How about her?" Wally asked Robin, pointing at a tall girl with a straight brown bob and the figure of a dancer.

"4," Robin said after some consideration.

"Uh…" Wally scratched his head in thought, "I agree. Maybe a 3 ½."

What? She's obviously a 6 or 7. I was starting to doubt the fluke explanation.

Robin gestured to a girl leaving the store across the street, "Her?"

Wally studied the girl's small waist; long, curly hair; and cute red dress and said decidedly, "1."

"Hold up. Either the standards of beauty have changed since I was your age, or you guys have no idea what you're talking about. That girl is clearly an 8," I said, unable to keep my silence any longer.

Wally jumped in surprise at my "sudden" appearance. Robin had no reaction. That boy is as hard to read as Batman. I couldn't tell whether he just didn't show his surprise, or he already knew I was there. Judging by his smirk, I'd say it was the latter.

Quickly recovering from his shock, Wally pretended he didn't react. "Hey Uncle Barry," he said casually, "What's up?"

"How's it going Mr. Allen?" Robin said politely, but I had the feeling he was secretly laughing at me.

Ignoring their greetings, I got down to business. I had to solve the mystery, it's part of my job as a law enforcement officer (that's what I like to think of myself as. I just haven't gotten formal recognition yet. The city should really get on that): "Why did you say she was a 1? Even as an 'old man,' as you would call me, who's out of the loop, I know she'd be an 8 based on the 10 Point Hotness Scale." I crossed my arms and gave them a look that said, "you're stupid is you didn't know that."

Robin chuckled, "Well there's your problem Mr. Allen. We're not using the Hotness Scale."

I raised my eyebrow at Wally who started to explain, "We're not disagreeing with you, Uncle Barry, that girl is definitely an 8-"

"I'd say a 7, maybe," Robin interrupted.

Wally looked at him, his train of thought completely derailed, "Picky, picky, Rob."

Robin shrugged, "Well, being in Batgirl's presence so often makes everyone else less whelming in comparison."

Wally got a far off look in his eyes, "Too true. That girl is a _solid_ 10."

I snapped my fingers in front of their faces, "Guys! Focus."

"Right," Wally shook his head and continued, "We're not rating them on their attractiveness, we're ranking them based on the likelihood that they would go out with us."

At the end of his pronouncement, I just stared at them, searching for some clue that they were messing with me. I found none. "What?"

Robin took the reins, "See, we take into account the girl's attractiveness compared to our own; and if we know anything about her, we compare our interests. Then we rank them based on compatibility. 0 is no chance of dating, 10 is absolutely."

"In other words," Wally rolled his eyes at Robin and explained, "the hotter the girl, the less likely she is to date us."

Robin scowled at Wally, "That's what I said!"

"Dude, why do you always have to put things in such confusing manners?"

"I was _very_ clear. He understood what I said," he turned to me, "Right, Mr. Allen?"

"Let me see if I've got this right," I said slowly, ignoring their argument, "So the more attractive a girl is, the less likely she is to date you, so the lower number she is. Right?" They nodded. I continued, "So that girl," I pointed to a rather plain looking girl with too much acne and thick glasses, "would be an 8?"

"I told you he got it," Robin muttered to Wally.

"Let it go, Rob," Wally said exasperatedly.

"Do you do this often?" I asked, half dreading the answer.

Robin snorted, and Wally shook his head emphatically, "We're not stupid Uncle Barry."

Robin expanded on Wally's answer when he saw my confused face, "We don't want to risk the girls finding out. I'm sure that we'd get some long, reprimanding lecture about 'objectifying women' and 'showing respect to both genders' or something like that. We respect women and all, but we kinda want to avoid a lecture about it."

I nodded in understanding, then asked, "Speaking of 'The Girls', based on your system, what is M'gann?"

The boys looked at each other, having a silent debate about whether or not I could be trusted with such incriminating information.

I sighed, "I not going to tell them what you say. I promise." I might tell their mentors though. I think they would enjoy that. Green Arrow would anyway, I dunno about J'onn. Maybe not so much.

They gave in. "Alright," Wally said, "She's a zero."

Robin agreed, "Yeah, but mostly because she's so into Superboy, so the likelihood she'd even look at either of us is slim."

Wally looked offended, "Speak for yourself dude. I only said she's a 0 because she's like an 11 on the Hotness Scale, not because she wouldn't consider dating me."

"Keep telling yourself that man," Robin muttered.

"So what about Artemis?" I inquired.

Wally replied instantly, "Zero." Robin held up nine fingers and pointed to Wally's back, rolling his eyes and smirking. He obviously thought Artemis would be much more willing than Wally predicted. Or maybe Wally was hiding some feelings of his own… Psh, nah. It'll never happen. Wally knows his feelings better than Robin does; nevertheless, I couldn't help making him squirm.

"What? You think she's that hot?" I teased.

Wally didn't catch the fact that I was joking. Blushing, he practically yelled, "No! It's…it's because … we always fight…and we hate each other. Yeah! That's it. We hate each other!"

Robin laughed and muttered again, "Keep telling yourself that man."

Wally scowled at him and was about to retort angrily, but I beat him to it: "What about you Rob? How does Artemis rate?"

He thought about it for a moment. "Ummm… A 3 maybe," he said uncertainly, "She's hot enough to be an 8 (Wally scoffed and Robin ignored him), which would make her a 2, but we have a lot in common, so I'd say she a 3."

I thought for a moment, then said with a grin, "Black Canary?"

Wally shook his head emphatically, "No. No, no, no. I am _not_ going there." He point accusingly at me, "You would just tell her what I said, then she'd take it out on me during training. I'd rather not subject myself to beatings more often than necessary." He folded his arms over his chest and glared at me.

I turned to Robin, raising my eyebrows to indicate I was asking him the same question.

He looked at Wally, then turned back to me and shrugged, "0. Isn't she with Green Arrow?"

I shrugged. "Maybe," I said, then smirked at them an added, "but I don't think that really affects your chances of dating her."

"I'm wounded, Mr. Allen. You don't think she'd go for a suave, thirteen-year-old crimefighter?" Robin said in a mock hurt voice.

"If looking at Green Arrow is any indication, I'd say that a scrawny, obnoxious teen whose voice still cracks at inopportune times isn't really her type," I teased. Robin grinned back at me, unperturbed by my ribbing. Does anything ever bother that kid? "Speaking of GA, I think he'd be very interested to hear what the two of you had to say about his niece," I said, unable to refrain from getting on Wally's nerves. I know, I know. I'm a grown man and shouldn't be picking on him like this, but where else am I supposed get my entertainment?

Apparently it worked, because Wally interrupted suddenly and in a voice that was louder than necessary, "Was there something you came for Uncle Barry?"

"Just wanted to check in with you. See how you were doing, you know, see if you needed to talk about anything," I paused for a moment, then continued, gesturing between the two of them, "I guess you're fine though, based on the philosophical conversation I walked into." He's too easy to tease.

Ignoring my last comment, Wally said in a tone that implied he was trying very hard not to let his irritation show, "Thanks, Uncle Barry. I'm fine."

We stood in silence for a minute, Wally with his arms crossed over his chest, Robin leaning casually against the railing, and me studing the two of them. "Well," I said, breaking the awkwardness, "Glad to hear it. You up for ice cream?"

Wally grinned, forgetting that he was annoyed at me, "Do you even have to ask? Race you there!" He took off down the fire escape stairs, Robin choosing to take the rooftop route, flipping from building to building. I raced after Wally, taking every short cut I knew to catch him. He's gotten good; I had to actually try. I sure am proud of that boy. That doesn't mean I'm going to lay off the mocking.

When I finally caught him, I fell into step with him, and advised, "You know, Wally, you may not want to hang out with Robin so much."

He gave me a confused look, "Why? I thought you liked him."

"Oh, I do," I assured him, "He's great, which is why you may need to ditch him. Based on the ratings I heard you give, the chance that you will actually get a girl are pretty slim. Add Robin to the mix, and you have no chance."

Wally gaped at me, shocked I would question his cred with the ladies. I laughed and put on a burst of speed, leaving him in my dust with an outraged look on his face. Haha. Am I a good mentor or what?


End file.
